These Police Shouldn't Qualify In Real Life
by Grace Raven
Summary: At fifteen hundred hours military time, Arthur Kirkland of the Pink Police stumbled upon his fellow police officers having a daily chat. If that didn't put a citizen on edge about their, he didn't know what would. Oneshot, police!AU


**These Police Shouldn't Qualify In Real Life**

At fifteen hundred hours (or three o'clock in the afternoon), Arthur Kirkland of the Pink Police stumbled upon fellow policemen gathering about one spot in the largest park in the city. At first glance, one would think they were investigating a crime and were swapping information, but if one decidedly to randomly have nothing to do and just watch them—as Arthur was doing now—one would discover that the policemen, the men trusted most to protect the city from crime, were just standing around having a day to day _chat _and ignoring the crime activity of the city. If that didn't put an innocent pedestrian on edge about their safety, Arthur didn't know what would.

Two minutes later, Arthur decided to return to his business (returning to headquarters and taking his turn on monitoring the city from cleverly placed cameras) only to be spotted and called out by the ever annoying Alfred F. Jones of the Blue Police.

The metropolis Arthur and Alfred lived in was the largest modern city in the world. It was placed in a territory (now a country) formed of one or two states and provinces from America and Canada respectively. Having been part of the two most developed, powerful, and diverse countries in the world, it was immediately a great place to live for people of all nationalities. The territory's population grew, as did its capital. Of course, no city can go without crime, and that's where the police came in. The city (being so huge) was divided into different sectors for the police, and that was why Alfred (the Blue Police) and Arthur (the Pink Police) were of different federations, and why it was rather surprising for Arthur to have discovered the group of policemen, for each man was of a different federation—and nationality, for that matter.

"Hey, Artie!" Alfred half-yelled when he reached Arthur. Alfred was a man from what was left of America (after the one or two states seceded from America, more had joined the territory until only half of America was left. The same went for Canada), with a brother from what was left of Canada. He and his brother Matthew, along with an aggressive man from Cuba, were the only ones most known from the Blue Police. Because most people from the Latin American countries did not wish to immigrate to a city with a considerably colder climate than what they were used to, the Blue Police was considerably small, and yet one of the strongest.

But that is incredibly off topic. "Good evening, Alfie," Arthur replied with a cocky smirk. He detested Alfred's nickname for him—Artie? Ugh—but the American's name was just as easily made into an embarrassing nickname.

Alfred frowned. "I thought I asked you to stop calling me that. I'm not a kid anymore!"

"And neither am I, but does that stop you from constantly referring to me as 'Artie'?"

"B…but you let your brothers call you that!"

"That is because they are a lost cause." So very true. "But you, _Alfie_, are a different story. You are younger than I, and I am your former superior. It is incredibly discriminating to be called such a childish name by the likes of _you_."

Alfred rolled his eyes in a manner very below his maturity level, if he even had one. "Geez, _Artie_, I didn't need you to ramble."

Arthur resisted hitting his head against a nearby light pole. "I'll tell you what, Alfie: if you stop calling me Artie, I'll stop calling you Alfie. Do we have a deal?"

Alfred, for once, was silent. Did he actually love humiliating Arthur so much that he would suffer the embarrassment of being dubbed a name he detested? Was he really that _stubborn_?

"Alfred! Ve~, are you coming back? You're coffee is going cold, ve~," Feliciano Veneziano Vargas of the Green Police questioned, suddenly appearing next to the American. He greeted Arthur in his usual excited manner, inviting him for pasta that night for dinner. Arthur politely replied that he would think about it just before Alfred abruptly grabbed his wrist and dragged him to the group of law enforcers, Feliciano skipping right behind them.

"Is my coffee okay?" Alfred asked in such a serious manner that Arthur wondered if his fellow policeman believed that coffee and a human being were equals.

"Its gone cold already," Lovino Romano Vargas of the Green Police and Feliciano's brother answered, whispering a quick insult under his breath. Alfred grabbed the coffee's container and yelled out a long, 'No!', actual _tears_falling from his sky blue eyes. Some on-lookers chuckled and giggled while children pointed rudely at the crying policeman and asking their mothers if that big guy over there can cry loudly, why can't I?

Wang Yao of the Yellow Police hid his face behind his long sleeves, speaking rapid Mandarin. He was probably cursing Alfred out or hoping that he would stop. Honda Kiku of the Black Police (Arthur always wondered why the white-obsessed Kiku would choose to be a part of the _Black _Police) tried to fade into the background so as to not be associated with the loud man, only to stick out like a sore thumb for he was standing between a hysterically laughing Gilbert of the Gray Police and snickering Francis of the White Police (now _that_ was quite the oxymoron, because everyone knew that Francis' personality was anything _but _an innocent white).

"Alfred, you twat! Belt the fuck up!" Arthur commanded, slapping Alfred on the back of the head. This silenced the younger man—minus an 'Ouch!' and the famous F word—and the pedestrians returned to their daily lives.

Arthur's walkie-talkie buzzed with static, and an Irish accented voice sounded from the device commanding Arthur to return to headquarters immediately and to do his job or he should be expecting a dock in his pay.

"Crap," Arthur muttered, knowing that by 'immediately' his Irish brother meant 'within the next five minutes'. He could run over there and be early by a minute, but he doubted that any of his fellow policemen would let him leave right at this very second.

"Ah, you need to leave now, don't you?" Antonio of the Red Police asked, his usual sunny smile dominant as he spoke. "I could lend you my moped if you need!"

"No, thank you. Headquarters is close, so it won't take me too long to get there. Thank you, though." Arthur was just about to wave goodbye and start running when Ivan of the Purple Police stepped forward.

"Arthur needs an escort, da?"

The man in question shivered under the shadow created by the tall man. "N-n-no! I'll be fine by myself. I must leave now. Tally ho!" With that, Arthur of the Pink Police high-tailed it out of the park and to headquarters.

He was one minute late.

* * *

**Grace Raven:** I know that nobody says "Tally ho!" in England, but I couldn't resist. England saying "Tally ho!" just amuses me.

This oneshot comes from an idea that has been bothering me for the past few months where all the characters mentioned (minus one) find themselves fighting against a gang that had been lying low with their crimes then suddenly rise up and start terrorizing the city. I don't think I'll have any pairing in the story if I go through with it, but I'm not sure how I'm going to even _start_ the story. If you want to read the story, tell me in a review~.

Any of the characters not mentioned are either neutral, in the police but just not mentioned (like Ludwig and Roderich. They're in the Gray Police with Gilbert), or a part of the evil gang mentioned above.

Seeing as not all of the characters used in here have an official color, I kinda made them up. Alfred (blue), Arthur (pink), Antonio (red), and the Italy brothers (green) are the only ones that everyone agrees with on pixiv, but I've seen the rest of the characters in the same tab for all those with a decided color. I picked gray for Gilbert because I think gray would look good on him, purple for Ivan because…well…for his eyes, white for Francis for the lulz, black for Kiku because that seems to be a favourite on pixiv, and yellow for Yao from his flag.

I'm sorry that I fail at Antonio, fyi. I can only get him characterized correctly if he's with Romano. Why is this? I don't know.

_Please review, or I'll cry and I'll curse you._


End file.
